Sometimes I dont realise, the feeling just creeps up on me as it builds and builds.
Sort of in the way that bricks are layered without the wet cement inbetween to glue it all together. You know…to keep them in place. Makes me wonder sometimes is that why the breeze can still get through, inbetween the cracks of the uneven bricks that have been stacked ontop of eachother… One brick per second, as the clock ticks, so does the layering of each brick. Have you ever heard two bricks smack against eachother, I mean, I couldn’t speak for those who are in the brick laying business, but i can certainly speak from my own experience. In my opinion it sounds so subtle. A rough click.
Almost reminds me of the ways we use to sword fight with crayons or chalk in kindergarten. Imagine clicking your fingers but your thumb was a roughed road surface and (my clicky companion finger) middle finger was the sole of your shoe as you ran. The cleanliness of a click but the roughness as your feet thrived against the road’s surface. That’s the sound I imagine when I watch these bricks stack.
One step forward, One brick laid and One second passes. 2 steps forward, 2 bricks laid and you guessed right, 2 seconds passes.
A basic single story home on average is approximately built with 8000 bricks (don’t quote me on that, it varies from each home). 8000 bricks laid, for the 8000 steps made. 8000 seconds is equivalent to 133 minutes then simplified into 2.2 hours.
Wow, that’s how long it takes for this feeling to build.
As subtle as a click and as rough as the road I used to run away.
In 2.2 hours I’m right where the builder wants me, inside this empty home.
Did I mention this is a house made of bricks? No door, no windows.
The only way in and out is through the cracks of these layered bricks.
The only air that seeps through is the dust from all the parts of the brick that can’t be tamed. I call it masked oxygen.
You panic thinking you can’t breathe, so you take in all the oxygen you can get, but all that frantic breathing instead disturbs the dust of the surfaces that are built around you. Instead of oxygen, you’re breathing in what will suffocate you the quickest. Just as you fail to grasp the air, you fall with the collapse of your chest.
You close your eyes and let go.
But then you realise, these bricks aren’t paved in position.
Instead of letting go, you push through.