Change.

What is it about Change that deters us the most?

It could be a number of things, it can be:

The Uncertainty of the unfamiliar, feeling the crumble from treading on grounds that are so far from our comfort zones.

Habitual behaviours, that rise in resistance to the breaking of cyclical patterns that have held us from propelling forward.

The Vulnerability, an overwhelming exposure from what you know, to learn what you don’t know.

Abandonment and Neglect, it’s okay to leave behind what no longer serves purpose in your life.

Loneliness, this path is solely for your soul.

Change is difficult, Change is painful but when disciplined, Change is beautiful.

Just like our every day lives, Change is routinal.

We must implement and follow these components for it to flourish into rewards of fulfillment. Without consistency, we are consumed by old behavioural patterns that will rob us from our own progress.

Strive for your change and keep at it, pave the pathway for your own growth.

It’s not always easy, it’s not always fun either.

But sometimes what’s hard and taxing, can be what creates the ease and enjoyment for the future.

Embrace the change and the journey that goes along with it.

Eve of an Era.

Good morning!
It has been quite some time since this blog has been touched, but most definitely NOT neglected.

For a period of time there has been an overwhelming wave of what most writer’s would call a “writer’s block”, though that may be the common term, upon reflection on my own year, I believe what has truly been encountered is : transformation.

When I started this project, I knew I had visions for its purpose (still do).

My main goal was to encourage and support those taking minor accumulative steps towards bettering themselves in order to fulfill their own true purpose and feel authentic satisfaction within their lives. (sounds hella ambitious doesn’t it, lol)

However, I realised that being so invested in this project diverted my attention away from my own purposeful visions for myself and recognised a huge shift in my energy. I have (and I’m sure will continue to) struggled and battled with a mental wall filled with unnecessary self-doubt, ego and insecurity. These arose not due to watching others succeed, but by belittling my own needs to thrive for what I want in my own life.

Let me break that down to what appears to be the biggest lesson of 2022.

Throughout my life, I struggled with my identity, figuring out who I am, what I want to be, what I want to do, who I want to be around, etc. Others are quite fortunate to have a very strong sense of self….as though I thought. I allowed my ego to believe that by immersing myself into this project that “YAY I FOUND WHO I AM, THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO BE, THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO DO, THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO BE AROUND!!!!!” …… This thinking led me to my own consequence of narrowing opportunities around me and constricting what use to be an open mind into a downwards spiral.

In simple terms, I had merged my sense of identity into this project.

That’s what we’re meant to do right? Find purpose in what we set ourselves out to do? This is good for us? This is healthy we are diving into something more meaningful, something that will create a future for us?

OH my damn, I was wrong.

The point I am bringing here is projects or careers are not or shouldn’t be your sense of identity. Tying yourself into these restraints allows for a variety of variables to take over your life, creating many highs and lows interchanging your own energy and perspective.

Your identity is the practice of your actions such as, kindness, respect, resilience, honesty, integrity… and the list goes on.

But our path to greatness, isn’t paved by WHAT we set out to do, it is merely expressed by WHO we are and HOW we choose to want to be.

For 2023, find value in your actions and most of all in yourself.

That is the key to genuine satisfaction and fulfillment.

Happy New Year!

-AYA

Sheer fear.

They say the sky is the limit.

What if it is?

What if it is not?

Imagine the Universe as your dreams and aspirations in life, your capabilities, your potentials, your hopes….

Now, imagine the Earth as reality filled with expectations, bills, relationships, debts, work, university and the list goes on…

What is it that separates these two concepts?

You’ve imagined what is beyond and what is below, how about what is inbetween?

The atmospheric fear.

A subtle, invisible layer over the realities of how we live and divides us from how we truly hope to live.

You can’t see it, but you sure can feel it.

Is that why they say the sky is the limit, because we are too afraid to venture through this layer that protects us from the unkown?

Or maybe,

our perception to rise past the skies, stems on the fear of the fall from failure,

that burns and breaks us down into nothingness back to Earth.

better yet, let us all just embrace existance.

If the sky is your limit, let it be your limit.

But if your rise surpasses the sky, do not let the atmosphere limit your perceptions of your abilities.

Fly high,

Float for a while,

Fear with a smile

and

Fight as you trial.

Is awareness really being spread?

I report to you Live at the early hours of Wednesday morning, just to spread your awareness on what I am currently doing. Are you aware enough? Or do you require more spreading? (I mean that in the most appropriate way possible).

I guess what prompted me to discuss this topic, is the idea of “spreading awareness” on certain issues that are surfacing among the feeds on which most feast on.

What is it that makes users nowadays spread awareness?

What is the benefit of spreading awareness?

Especially on particular topics that are beyond personal power or knowledge.

Here she goes again being all insensitive…..

But am I?

I don’t want to seem like I am attacking what appears to be a good deed for those who are genuinely trying to help, kudos to these guys.

All I am expressing, is if you are truly invested in “spreading awareness” why stop at one post?

why stop spreading awareness when the news headlines change to the greener grass on the other side.

Or better yet,

why stop at an alcoholic beverage in hand from the weekend, dressed to match just how FABULOUS the weekend was…. I see, that awareness most definitely has spread now.

Political, Environmental, Economical, Poverty etc. issues NEVER stop.

But hey I guess it must stop when it suits you, right?

Now I am not trying to say we should turn our backs on these issues just because we can’t change them, but we simply need to educate ourselves on what we are truly advocating for.

I personally definitely would like to educate myself in these matters, but in true fact, there is not enough time in the world to understand each and every single issue that this world faces.

While there is war, there is also poverty.

While there is economical crashes, there is also abuse.

While there is environmental crisis, there is also murder.

To whichever issue you advocate for, educate yourself before you dive impulsively.

There is many more ways we can spread awareness, not just through a mobile device.

But through our actions every single day,

with the people who surround us

and through the way we project ourselves.

To appear aware is one thing,

But to BE aware is another.

All I hear is sirens, in a world so violent. 04/03/22-05/03/22

Tonight I spent most of my Friday Night with one of my best friends. An eventful night it was. We spoke of many things in regards to our life, our reflections and the world itself.

The only silence we both shared was the moment we saw multiple police cars at the entrance of our close friend’s apartment building. We weren’t alarmed at first, as the Central Business District of Melbourne is usually flooded with flashing lights on the weekends, it wasn’t until we approached the crowd and saw a dead body.

Whether it was a man or woman (or any gender for that matter), it was a human being, covered with a grey blanket, surrounded by cones, tape and curious bystanders. We were one of them ofcourse, worried for our own friends that lived at that same building. We were relieved to know that they were okay and knew nothing of the incident.

As shocking as this event was, I feel guilty to say that I didn’t feel a thing.

I was worried, sure, but for my friends.

I was shocked, sure, for it to be right in front of me.

As I thought about it more, I hate to say that it almost brought me peace.

Not in a sadistic type of way, but it brought to my attention the pain and suffering of all who claim to be alive. I’m not insensitive to death, nor am I sensitive towards it.

The only form of conversation I can build around it is curiousity. Questions.

What happened?

Who was it?

Why did it happen?

When did it happen?

How did it happen?

These are the questions we ask as soon as a death arises to our attention. Why do we ask these questions too late? Why do we wait until the last straw to finally ask these questions? We don’t ask because most of us are already dead inside. We just need that final certification to declare it.

Our time on this Earth is limited. We carry burdens, grief and self pity of pains from daily life that we constantly complain and choose to allow these emotions to define us in our own lives. If that’s what a life is meant to be, then we may as well be all dead.

I saw that death in front of me as a blessing in disguise. Call me insensitive, but whoever was under that blanket, they were fighting a burden larger than they can bare to the point it consumed them whole. Whether it be their choice or not, that person is now and forever in peace. Away from the troubles they may have not been able to conquer.

But, why should we only care NOW that this person is gone? Why didn’t we care sooner to have avoided this in the first place? That’s the problem with our society.

We care too late.

Before making assumptions about this perspective, ask yourself would you have cared about this person randomly walking past you on the street? If they were to tell you of all their troubles, would you lend your hand and go out of your way to help them with your maximum 120% effort? It’s okay to say no. Because that’s who we have become, a society that is ignorant to the screams of others begging for help.

It’s subtle. It’s quiet. It’s heartbreaking.

The issue isn’t the death, the issue is our actions.

For whom that is closest to you:

don’t extend that hand too late, don’t dwell on useless issues that lasts 24 hours, don’t let negativity cloud the kindness we all keep deep inside. Before it’s too late, ask those questions now to those who mean most. You will be surprised with the responses you receive. Every single life is battling their own secret war.

Remind them you will assist them with their battles NOT against them.

Be kind and grateful for the world around you. Our time is ticking, make each moment count for your loved ones, family, friends and most of all for yourself.

Fight through the war, don’t let the war fight through you.

One step, One brick and One second

Sometimes I dont realise, the feeling just creeps up on me as it builds and builds.

Sort of in the way that bricks are layered without the wet cement inbetween to glue it all together. You know…to keep them in place. Makes me wonder sometimes is that why the breeze can still get through, inbetween the cracks of the uneven bricks that have been stacked ontop of eachother… One brick per second, as the clock ticks, so does the layering of each brick. Have you ever heard two bricks smack against eachother, I mean, I couldn’t speak for those who are in the brick laying business, but i can certainly speak from my own experience. In my opinion it sounds so subtle. A rough click.

Almost reminds me of the ways we use to sword fight with crayons or chalk in kindergarten. Imagine clicking your fingers but your thumb was a roughed road surface and (my clicky companion finger) middle finger was the sole of your shoe as you ran. The cleanliness of a click but the roughness as your feet thrived against the road’s surface. That’s the sound I imagine when I watch these bricks stack.

One step forward, One brick laid and One second passes. 2 steps forward, 2 bricks laid and you guessed right, 2 seconds passes.

A basic single story home on average is approximately built with 8000 bricks (don’t quote me on that, it varies from each home). 8000 bricks laid, for the 8000 steps made. 8000 seconds is equivalent to 133 minutes then simplified into 2.2 hours.

Wow, that’s how long it takes for this feeling to build.

As subtle as a click and as rough as the road I used to run away.

In 2.2 hours I’m right where the builder wants me, inside this empty home.

Did I mention this is a house made of bricks? No door, no windows.

The only way in and out is through the cracks of these layered bricks.

The only air that seeps through is the dust from all the parts of the brick that can’t be tamed. I call it masked oxygen.

You panic thinking you can’t breathe, so you take in all the oxygen you can get, but all that frantic breathing instead disturbs the dust of the surfaces that are built around you. Instead of oxygen, you’re breathing in what will suffocate you the quickest. Just as you fail to grasp the air, you fall with the collapse of your chest.

You close your eyes and let go.

But then you realise, these bricks aren’t paved in position.

Instead of letting go, you push through.

WORDPRESS IS NOT FOR THE WEAK!

I now understand and HIGHLY respect the technological world.

The amount of effort and hard work in coding, programming etc. just so we can show people what the f*ck is up (and for the real ones, the f*ck down) in our lives. We don’t realise how many different ways each click, each URL or simple Home page takes to construct. I wish I could say I wasn’t a complainer, but I most definitely am. I found it extremely comical that with creating this blog I was consistently cursing at a website-making website, then I thought you know what, I’LL WRITE ABOUT IT.

So yes, here I am, posting a written complaint on the website-making website about the website-making website 🙂

Saturday 19/02/22 10:00pm – Sunday 20/02/22 12:51am